As I write this, I am halfway through my first day of work as a new mom. It didn’t hit me until our producer Stephani said something like, “You’ve now earned the title ‘Working Mom!’”
My day started unlike any I’ve ever experienced, although it’s likely a typical one for thousands of seasoned parents. I got up before the baby woke, I made a short list of chores so the nanny would have a clean-ish house, I did my hair and makeup quietly, and I sobbed silently while doing all the above.
I also rushed to make a bottle so that when the baby woke, I could feed him right away and put him down before the nanny came.
My husband gave me a kiss and told me to have a great day.
“I wonder if this is how we’ll feel when JJ starts school,” he said.
“I bet it will be way worse,” I responded.
I was doing really well on the way in, and then I heard a song that opened the floodgates. I made myself stop crying before I entered the building, but I broke down twice after that. It’s weird because I missed work, friends, and adult conversations during maternity leave, but I also realized this was the first day spent away from my baby—a little nugget I had prayed about for years. A baby I watched heal in the NICU, and one I had spent 12 weeks with learning his social smiles and coos.
People tell you it’s hard to go back to work, but you can’t really understand it until it happens. I get it now.
Last night my husband and I got into a little tiff because he said I was bringing too much anxiety into the house. My response was something like, “You think I’m a normal person, and right now I am not normal!” I don’t like the word ‘normal,’ but I meant, I am full of hormones and can’t be trusted to be rational all the time.
In fact, one of my co-workers joked, “When will I be able to trust you again?” I said probably a year. At least.
Anyway, I thought it might be fun to write a list of things I learned about coming back to work as a new parent.
Don’t come back on a Monday: It’s so much easier to start your week mid-week, that way you have a weekend to look forward to instead of a full work week. I didn’t read this advice until after I told everyone I was coming back on a Monday, but I liked the advice very much. One of my friends started her first week back on a Friday – mad props!
Practice, practice, practice: I needed a few days of practice to see if I could even get up early to feed my baby and get out the door in a timely fashion. I actually never did it fully, but by the time Monday rolled around, I had everything but showering nailed down. So yes, if you’re reading this, I didn’t shower this morning, but I feel like showering every day is overrated these days. The most important thing is I knew the morning routine.
Prepare your clothes, lunch, and pump: This may sound crazy, but I picked out five outfits I wanted to wear this week. I also recommend doing this long before the night you go back to work if you gave birth. I stupidly tried on all my clothes the night before coming back only to be upset that my “fat clothes” also didn’t fit. It’s not a good way to start the week, but at least I have five outfits to wear. Also, I did some meal prep over the weekend and could stuff a breakfast sandwich in my mouth first thing, and my pump was ready to go with me as soon as I got up. I also have two pumps – one I got for free via insurance and another for work. It was worth the investment for me.
Give yourself some grace: Newsrooms are not always the friendliest workplaces because of intense deadlines, but even journalists have a heart. So many people will be asking how you’re doing and how your baby is doing. Hopefully you have great co-workers, but no matter what, give yourself some grace to ease back into your workflow. Allow for mistakes – chances are you’ll end up going to work with no shower and spit up on your blouse (like I did), and that’s okay.
Don’t forget about your baby: I’m back at work because I’m fortunate enough to love my job… and we need the insurance. Let’s be honest – even the people who really love their jobs can still love their families more. It’s okay. That’s reality. Allow yourself to check in with your caregiver if possible. Look at videos of your baby when you need to refresh. You’re working to provide for your family, and your family will thank you for it! You got this!