Shelly Mae relives the Cascade Mall murders all day, every day.
"For me, I see the event in a loop over and over and over," she said.
Mae is extremely anxious, barely sleeps and when she does, the killer haunts her dreams.
"Sleeping a couple hours a night is not much, and it's starting to wear me down," said Mae.
Mae watched in horror as the gunman killed five people near the Macy's makeup counter where she was working on September 23. Mae held her friend and co-worker Shayla Martin as she lay dying, and she still struggles to cope with what she calls "the ripple effects" of a mass murder.
"This isn't fair to my kids that this has taken up so much of my time, and I haven't been able to move forward," she said.
Mae says immediately after the killings, Macy's offered group therapy for the survivors along with five individual sessions. The mother of three, however, believes she needs long-term care, and the company has been slow to react.
"There has been no real sympathy or empathy or thoughts that people are affected," she said.
Mae says Macy's will only pay for her see certain doctors -- doctors she says don't have openings until February, some five months after the incident.
Mae left Macy's for a different job but misses one or two days of work per week because of her ongoing issues. She is filing an L & I claim to get compensation for those missed days, but it still hasn't been processed.
"You have the original issues that don't go away, and you don't know when they will go away, or at least lessen. Then you have this which takes an equal amount of energy just to get by. It's frustrating and exhausting," said Mae.
Macy's released the following written statement to KING 5:
"Macy's continues to work diligently with employees who have submitted claims to manage the process and coordinate care. The company encourages any employee who expresses an interest in filing a claim to do so and has not refused to consider anyone who has come forward to assert a claim. We also continue to provide ongoing grief counseling and assistance services to help our employees deal with this devastating tragedy."
For now, Mae is hiring an attorney to fight Macy's, as the rest of the world moves on, and she feels left behind.
"It's almost worse now because months later, and you're still trying to get what you were supposed to get five days after and it's not looking good."
Copyright 2016 KING