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Cyberbullying growing among adult women

by MIMI JUNG / KING 5 News

Bio | Email | Follow: @MimiJungKING5

KING5.com

Posted on May 6, 2010 at 11:00 PM

Updated Thursday, May 6 at 11:05 PM

There's been a lot of news about teenage cyberbullies, but it's not just for teens. Experts say it's also growing among adult women - and it too can turn vicious.

Whether it's a chat room or social network, Gina Moore-Sanders practically lives online.

"I get to meet a lot of different people with diverse opinions and I like to have conversations with them," she said.

Recently, Moore-Sanders posted a creative story on an Internet bulletin board. Soon, cyberbullies began taking shots, from snide comments to personal attacks.

"They said expletives, profanity that I was stupid and I was crazy," said Moore-Sanders.

Experts say anytime you are harassed, humiliated or threatened online it's cyberbullying, and teens aren't the only victims. 

"I hear about adult women retaliating a lot more and retaliating in really vicious ways, to the point where sites get shut down, people drop off of sites," said Dr. Cheryl Dellasega, author of Mean Girls Grown Up.

She says bullying can be one rude comment, or a string of them.

"The topics that women are cyberbullied about are really endless. It could be a romance. It could be your parenting practices," said Dellasega.

It can even be about physical appearance or family.  Romi Lassally started truuconfessions.com, an anonymous online confession booth for women. While she sees plenty of positive chit-chat, she also sees the negative.

"We probably see cyberbullying maybe 1 in 10 confessions, maybe 2 in 10 comments. We don't want to post it. We want to offer a judgment free, safe place for women," said Lassally.

So Lassally has the site moderated. She believes part of the reason women bear their claws is insecurity.

"I think the platform invites conversation, but it also invites different opinions," said Lassally. "And if one woman's doing it one way, that just might seem wrong to someone else."

Dellasega says sometimes mean girls grow into mean women, especially when the there's anonymity.

"It's like being behind a mask," said Dellasega. "It offers that sort of anonymous screen for a woman to say some things that she wouldn't normally say."

Moore-Sanders says, even as an adult, the words cut just as deep.

"It made me feel offended and it hurt--a lot," she said.

So, how does one fight back?

"They want you to fire back. The best thing to do is to turn off the computer and walk away," said Dellasega.

And if you want to respond, stop and think before you hit send. That's what Moore-Sanders does when words turn nasty.

"That's when I decide to just not have a discussion anymore," said Gina.

If you know who is bullying you, Dellasega suggests meeting them in person to work things out. That way, you can clarify what was said online and there are no misunderstandings.

For more information:

www.cheryldellasega.com

www.truuconfessions.com

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Comments: Displaying 1 - 15 of 22

angelgoulet said on May 3, 2012 at 5:11 PM

To add to my previous comment...when I signed to register here I got a return email from this site stating that my password was "baaloney." This is what he used. I deem it appropriate that he used that! That is all that seems to ooze out from this character - BALONEY! (Hurtful baloney, at that).

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angelgoulet said on May 3, 2012 at 5:08 PM

I am Angel Goulet. I am not afraid to use my real name, because what I have to say is the TRUTH. I won't hide behind fake names and letters out of a lack of courage or weak-mindedness. I noticed - only minutes ago - that a former tenant of mine who has a PERMANENT Stalking order against him for threatening me and my family posted in the comment section of this site. I was unaware of it until now. He slandered me horribly and it is very upsetting. When I went to register, I noticed that he used my email address to register to this site to further stalk me! (That explains a lot) He wouldn't use his real name, of course. And I won't lower myself to do the same. ( I will let the legal system take care of that. ) To know that he used this article about cyberbullying to accomplish his life goal to "bully" me is ironic. I hope that anyone who read his comments (using my email address!) will check the Clackamas County Court and Clatsop Courts with my name to see who the perp really is.

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zokins said on June 12, 2010 at 4:11 PM

As a member of Sodaheads (a chat line) I am constantly ASTOUNDED @ the cyberbullying that goes on! It's usually POLITICAL and, surprisingly, I have encountered bullying not so much by other women (actually, I usually can reason peacefully with THEM) as MEN! I became friends with one man, in particular (at his invitation), even though he and I had very diverse Social and Political ideologies. We had fun, actually, debating each other on issues and teasing each other in a good~natured way until....THE LAST STRAW. He was making jokes which were BLASPHEMOUS in nature and I respectfully let him know I did not appreciate the jokes and, when he wouldn't stop, I basically, publically, told him "b~bye" and BLOCKED him! I have actually ADVISED other members of Sodaheads on this very subject! I have suggested they exercise THE POWER OF THE BLOCK! If you are dealing with a BULLY, BLOCK THEM! I like this Lady, Gina. Wish we could be friends! I only hope she joins SODAHEADS!

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krisbrood said on May 10, 2010 at 10:20 AM

Women have a tendency to be passive aggressive and the web makes it easier to facilitate this kind of behavior.

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zinger said on May 9, 2010 at 9:38 AM

I always counsel others to be the better person. To not take ownership of the problem that someone else is displaying by their comments. Their problem is not your problem, so do not respond. In your own mind, write them off as a person with a problem, and let it go. The energy of life is better spent on positives. Don't waste it on negatives. You will be the better happier person - because positive energy begets more positive energy. In this economy/depression, there are a lot of unhappy people striking out. We need to support one another with positive energy. Give support and appreciation to all that deserve it, even a little bit. Reach out and do something kind for a stranger. Help to restore faith in the goodness of mankind. Not all of us run around with bomb packs. A smile releases feel-good chemistry in our bodies. So let's all do it.

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saltiel said on May 7, 2010 at 11:38 PM

...it's a character defect; a mental illness.

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saltiel said on May 7, 2010 at 11:34 PM

The point is, mean girls grow into mean women.

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1beachperson said on May 7, 2010 at 1:09 PM

Just because the person is considered an adult by their age doesn't mean they've matured beyond middle school! These "womem" need to grow up, get off the internet, do something useful with their lives (maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen or something).

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anonymoususer said on May 7, 2010 at 12:00 PM

Before making judgement, we need to read the story she wrote - what if it was about a baby eating monster posted on a kids site? or a story glorifying terrorism and/or cannibalism? Just maybe the "cyber bullies" were correct in criticizing it and calling her crazy!

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dede1978 said on May 7, 2010 at 11:45 AM

I have to admit, I do agree with most of the comments below. People need to get off the computers and cell phones. There is more to life than you efriends. What they say hurts your feelings, log off and walk away. They don't know you and don't care how you feel. I'm sure alot them get out there just to see if they can offend behind the mask of the computer screen. Me, I avoid chat rooms and the like, you really never know who is on the other end of those messages. I look at the news, check my email and delete any I don't recognize the sender, then log off. It's the only safe way to use a computer. And in these cases, you're only a victim if you choose to be. Sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone by my comments either...... If you don't like what they say, find another site, or better yet, turn the thing off.

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chuckstr76 said on May 7, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Simple solution, TURN the computer OFF.. no more issues, beside, she probibly needs the excersize if she is online that much.

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anonymoususer said on May 7, 2010 at 11:16 AM

she's probably a troll and ten whines about comments to her trollish posts. She ChOOSES to be a victim. There are others who are truly harassed and cyber stalked and almost always (not always) it is by someone they know in real life. Other times, people are stalked by truly insane and scary people - stalked from site to site and even have their email addresses spoofed to send spam and are mail bombed.

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1beachperson said on May 7, 2010 at 10:45 AM

This is news? Cyberbullying happens even here for people who are supposed to be adult enough to enter their comments without slamming others.

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seattle1111 said on May 7, 2010 at 10:12 AM

be careful!She might consider your comments as "bullying" and might want to meet up with you in real life to talk it out,lol;)

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jamey said on May 7, 2010 at 9:21 AM

What ever happen to "sticks and stones ....". Empowerment comes through the building of self esteem and self respect, not claiming victum status.

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wawolf said on May 7, 2010 at 9:14 AM

Trolls are everywhere. They say mean or inflammatory things to get a reaction out of you. Ignore them and they usually will move on.

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newlogin86 said on May 7, 2010 at 8:19 AM

Practically LIVES online, is the problem right there. Now if there is a disability that prevents joining the real world, I can understand, but if not... turn off the computer and go outside.

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newlogin86 said on May 7, 2010 at 8:18 AM

"If you know who is bullying you, Dellasega suggests meeting them in person to work things out. That way, you can clarify what was said online and there are no misunderstandings." Uh, right 99% of time they are not in the area... I would say, tell them to stick it up their arse! Whiners behind anonymous online avatars, handles, whatever you want to call them, are freakin cowards. It is not your job to fix someone bullying you. Best way, ignore them, without the feedback, they do not get satisfaction and often fade away.

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befree23 said on May 7, 2010 at 7:40 AM

This seems like another way to make everyone a victim. "I posted about my ansgt...lasagne recipe.......kid's bad behavior...and now everyone is picking on me!" To *me* true cyber bullying is carried over from real life to virtual life (or vice versa), such as from a school or community group. If you are posting anonymously on XYZ chat board about subjects with which you wouldn't talk with a stranger on the bus or over the loud speaker at the school gym, then you'd better know that other posters are going to respond...and in ways that may feel negatively to you. And they may be downright nasty, too. Just because they tell you your lasagne recipe sucks rocks doesn't turn them into a cyber bully or you into a victim!

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chevelle70ss said on May 7, 2010 at 7:21 AM

oh waaaaaa. This isnt even a story its a bunch of babble. Teens I can understand but adults come on. Grow up, get off the computer and do something else, what a novel concept.

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aziza said on May 7, 2010 at 6:16 AM

clear? I agree. If people spent less time on the computer and more time in real life, this wouldn't be an issue.

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clear2copy said on May 7, 2010 at 2:02 AM

"Whether it's a chat room or social network, Gina Moore-Sanders practically lives online." ...here's where the preventable problem began..you choose to be a victim.

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