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	Brides & Grooms Deciding the Day The Day Before The Day The Day After Home
	Tying the knot and your purse strings By Kathleen Gurney Most engaged couples have planned their weddings with greater care and enthusiasm than they have planned how they will manage their money. Remember, managing your money together is a key element in realizing life's hopes and dreams. Couples may see eye to eye on most things, yet view money matters very differently. Until facing the first major decision with 'our money,' couples may not be aware of how much in opposition their attitudes are. This often leads to a major, hurtful, clash. When couples say 'I do,' they're also marrying one another's values, beliefs, feelings and habits. Newly married people face challenges they have never faced before. This is especially true in working out 'Mine, Yours and Ours.' Money is involved in all three of these categories, and nearly always presents significant challenges to engaged couples and newlyweds. Not only must each spouse manage his or her own expenses, but there's a new need to anticipate and plan for the expenses of the partner. The first step is to understand how you think and feel, financially speaking. This step is often avoided because partners anticipate that the conversation will be neither fun nor romantic - and lead to a fight. Romance and fun are important, but since you are in a sense marrying your spouse's money self, you should talk about money as well as love. Joining financial lives can be exhilarating. With proper communication, planning and attention, newlyweds can usually find financial contentment - or at least strive for it. Here are some practical tips from my booklet, 'Love and Money: 150 Financial Tips for Couples': • Openly discuss your money philosophy with your partner. • Learn about your partner's money habits. Does he or she clip coupons, buy on impulse, stiff waiters on tips? • Explore your partner's money personality. How do the personality traits interact? Are you similar in taking financial risks? How do you feel about giving up control of your money? • Discuss your values with your partner. What is the most important thing money can buy, after basic necessities? Comfort? Prestige? Variety? Self-actualization? Discuss these differences now, so you will better understand what motivates your partner. • Look for patterns in your partner's personality and money style that may be clues to future conflicts. • Don't feel guilty about researching your partner. Learning new things about each other is not a violation but an extension of your love. • Remember, no one is perfect. Use the information you gather to make a better decision, not to let your critical nature keep you from loving a wonderful person who may have made some mistakes in the past. • Lastly don't try to change your partner. Learn to set joint priorities and goals. Negotiate together to determine how best to use one another's skills and traits to achieve what's most important. © - Knight Ridder Newspapers
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