What does it take to raise a happy child? 

For some 23-years, relationship exptert, Dr. John Gottman, has been trying to determine that at his Seattle Institute.

His breakthrough research on marriage and relationships boils down to this:

"The relationship between parents is the fundamental foundation, is the pillar that holds up the family, and the greatest gift you can give your baby or your child is a loving relationship between the two of you," he said.

According to Dr. Gottman, two-thirds of parents experience a big drop in happiness during the first three years of their baby's life, so he studied why the other third did not.

He found it all came down to some basic communication skills - not just with your partner - but with your baby.

"We were surprised that parents didn't intuitively know, didn't instinctively know how to interact with a baby, but parents really don't know and they're interested in learning. So in 15 minutes, we can turn around the whole way parents related to infants," he said.

He calls it "emotion coaching."

"It is really about first of all, noticing emotions of lower intensity and believing that these moments are an opportunity for intimacy or teaching," he said.

He said emotion coaching is something every caregiver can do. The key is listening. And don't just expect your little one to listen to you, really listen to them, too, and teach them how to understand and cope with their emotions.

When children feel you're listening and understanding them, Gottman says, they feel more confidant and secure, making it much easier for them to learn and mature. He calls it raising an "emotionally intelligent" child.

"It's being able to communicate what you need and a baby that feels empowered by a parent's availability and responsiveness starts developing this emotional intelligence," said Gottman.

When a baby does not develop emotional intelligence, Gottman says, she's unable to soothe herself, unable to focus attention, and therefore unable to learn, sending that baby down a completely different path of development than an emotionally intelligent child.

"Emotion coaching is something that everyone can do that is involved with a child," he said.

It's a powerful message that could have a tremendous impact on all of us.

"There's too much focus on discipline and controlling kids and if you do that you can get obedient children, but you can't get children who are compassionate, who have a moral sense, who live beyond themselves and aren't materialistic - and all these other goals we have for kids emerge from really focusing on these magic moments when kids are emotional," he said.

You may be thinking what about me? My kids are already school-age or grown-up. Is it too late for me?

Gottman says not at all. We're never too old to learn emotion coaching or to change the way we think.

And he says one of the greatest gifts an adult can give a child is to simply say I'm sorry, I was wrong, and then work together on getting it right.