You may not see it at first, but every baby brought into this world really does come with a handbook.

"The handbook is just reading what the child is saying, the kind of cues the child is giving," said Bert Powell of the Marycliff Institute.

The challenge for every caregiver is learning how to read the messages right in front of them.

"What we've found is the ability to read those cues and respond to those makes all the difference in the world," said Powell.

In Spokane, a team of psychotherapists uses video to teach parents how to bond with their babies.

"We help the parent learn how to observe themselves and their child and how to make good guesses about what the child needs," said Glen Cooper.

It's all part of a groundbreaking program called "Circle of Security."

"What we've discovered is that it's very helpful for children to get the kind of support, nurturance that they need early on," said Kent Hoffman.

The quality of the bond between parent and child has lifelong implications, from how well they do in school and work, to the kinds of relationships they form as adults.

Eighteen-year old Darleena Legard watches over her 2-year-old son, Benjamin, as he explores the toys in the room.

"One of the things to notice is just how much delight she takes in him and that again is a source of self esteem in children," said Hoffman.

KING

The quality of the bond between parent and child has lifelong implications.

She finds out how secure Benjamin really is when she leaves the room.

"When you leave a child under 4 years old in a room by themselves that they're not used to, their attachment system activates," said Cooper.

Benjamin doesn't protest for long, but that doesn't mean he likes being separated. His energy level plummets within seconds

"It makes me sad but at the same time he's so cute," said Darleena.

The therapists say when Darleena returns, she must comfort Benjamin so their attachment is strongly reinforced. This is called "filling the cup."

Benjamin's energy level is back up, but is his cup full? The therapists says Darleena is about to miss a cue.

"No, on the floor. Got to go on the floor. Now you're just being rambunctious," Darleena tells Benjamin.

Minutes later, Dr Hoffman and Darleena watch the tape together.

"You're paying attention to the truck rather than "the cup" he says.

"Because otherwise he thinks he can do that at home!" says Darleena.

"I believe the underlying message he's giving here is not to challenge you or make life difficult for you. It's to say I'd like to have that cup completely full," says Hoffman.

The messages our children give us can be so subtle, even the best parents miss them.

We all make mistakes, but the Circle of Security therapists say if there's one sure way to make amends, it's to never miss an opportunity to show our children affection.

Darleena says deep down, that's how she wanted to respond to that moment with Benjamin.

"I should have just picked him up like my instinct told me," she said.

Next time Darleena plans to do just that. She's learning to read the handbook.

"It's totally been worth it for me," she said.